Hello Lover Goodbye Friend
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img{border:0;margin:0}#facebox
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Home Page > Relationships > Sexuality > Hello Lover Goodbye Friend
Hello Lover Goodbye Friend
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 |Comments: 0
|
Most of us are lucky enough to have a close friend who knows how to assure us our bum doesn’t look big and who understands our embarrassing and undiminished love for James Blunt.
For some of us, that best friend just happens to be a guy. And, if he’s single and heterosexual, it’s possible at some point while watching Survivor or downing a flaming Sambuca you’ve even thought, ‘Hmm, I wonder what it would be like to kiss him?’ Or perhaps you’ve harbored serious love fantasies about him for ages and just haven’t broached the subject. Crossing the divide from being friends to lovers can be fraught with misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and heartache, say relationship experts. But it could also be the start of something fabulous.
Is it a Good Idea?
‘Getting involved with someone you already depend on and are emotionally attached to is risky,’ says Cindy, a 24-year-old dance instructor who made the leap with a friend, Paul, a law student she’d known for six months. ‘I didn’t want to spoil what we
had,’ she says. ‘But I also knew I wanted more than just his friendship. It was a mutual decision.’
Psychologists believe that having someone who knows your faults and foibles before seeing you naked makes the relationship more likely to succeed. Researchers have found that couples who are best friends first have more happiness and satisfaction in their lives. Best friends work through conflicts and don’t give up on each other.
An intimate relationship that starts as a friendship rules out the roller-coaster ride and subsequent disappointment that is an inevitable part of a relationship that starts with
falling in love. You’re far more likely to have an authentic, warts-and-all relationship.
Although Cindy and Paul’s romance ended when he moved to the UK, they are still in touch. ‘We’ve fallen back into the friendship,’ says Cindy. ‘We’ve started asking each other’s advice about other people in our lives and although I sometimes feel a bit jealous, I know the love we shared was real and valuable. I don’t regret it at all.’ Although Cindy’s experience was positive, experts caution you to consider a number of issues before propositioning your male mate. For starters, ask yourself whether it’s true attraction or simply a moment of loneliness or lust.
‘I regret having sex on my kitchen table with my then best friend,’ says Mishka, a 33-year-old writer. ‘If I’d been more circumspect, I would’ve realized I was dejected after losing a lucrative contract and looking for an ego boost. I jeopardized a meaningful friendship.’
If you can honestly say your wicked thoughts of licking whipped cream off his tattoo aren’t the result of too many vodka martinis or too many nights at home alone with Mr Sex Toy, ask yourself why you’re only considering your friend as a potential love interest now. If it’s because circumstances have changed (for example he’s newly single or finished his master’s thesis, which distracted him), chances are you are dealing with true feelings that can now be addressed. If, however, you’ve had ample time to get things together in the past and haven’t, perhaps your motives aren’t good.
Kate, a 34-year-old lab technician, admits she’s been tempted to make a move out of sheer curiosity, but has had enough sense not to. ‘One of my closest friends has everything I’m looking for in a partner but I’m just not physically attracted to him,’ she says. ‘It’s weird. We shop and eat out together. We even spend Big Nights In like a married couple. But if we were to start shagging I know it would be a disaster. The chemistry just isn’t there for me.’
Most importantly, consider what you might lose if your revelation doesn’t have the desired effect on him. If he doesn’t share your feelings, it’s likely your friendship will change in some way.
The Conversation
If you’ve weighed up the pros and cons and are still convinced he’s The One, it’s time to make your feelings known. Considering there’s a friendship in place, chances are there’s already some flirting happening. Keep things light but being clear about the outcome you would like. Chat about the things you have in common and the reasons you share so much time together.
It may be best to start off with a huge degree of subtlety. Gently find out where he stands on the issue of friendships developing into relationships. Opportunities often present themselves in the form of experiences of mutual friends, or through examples in movies, books or magazines. Removing yourself from the discussion will give you the opportunity to pick up clues from how he views other people in similar situations. It’s also a good idea to discuss this important topic when sober.
The first few shots of alcohol boost high levels of the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Under its influence you are more likely to exaggerate your ‘love’ for him. A gushing onslaught may turn him off, even if he really likes you.
The Move
Mia, a 32-year-old clothing manufacturer, wishes she’d considered this advice. ‘I really worked myself up into a lather about whether I should make my feelings for Ryan known,’ she says. ‘When I first met him I wasn’t all that interested because I’d just ended a destructive relationship and needed time to heal.’ As the months passed, Ryan’s unusual looks and offbeat sense of humor really started to appeal. ‘Everyone commented on how much time we spent together,’ she recalls. ‘I was ready for action’. Frustrated that her friend wasn’t making the first move, and convinced the growing attraction was mutual, Mia planned a grand seduction scene. ‘I lit candles, did the whole dressed-to-kill thing and even had a Hollywood wax for the event,’ she recalls. ‘It was a complete disaster. After two bottles of wine I ended up sitting on top of him on my bed, pleading with him to kiss me.’ She can laugh about it now, but she’s painfully aware the easy camaraderie is gone. ‘We didn’t see each other for a few weeks after that,’ Mia recalls. ‘And when we did, we were both far too embarrassed to discuss it. All he said was ‘I’m sorry I was so unplayable’ and mumbled something about a past mistake.’
Janine, a 25-year-old accounts manager, had an entirely different experience. ‘Brian, 26, and I became close quickly. We’d spend most weekends partying together and hours on the phone during the week,’ she says. ‘When we landed up sleeping together it was strange. Lovely but strange. We promised each other we’d keep our eyes closed because it was just weird having sex with your best buddy.’
While it might be nice to think you’ll feel charges of electricity when you finally kiss for the first time, chances are familiarity can work against you, as it did for Janine. But there’s no need to give up completely if you don’t feel hot mercury pulsing through your veins at his first touch. Acknowledge the uneasiness and try to make a light joke of it. Alternatively, promise each other you’ll go really slowly until you’re both used to this new way of interacting.
You might find that your friend is not interested in sleeping with you, eyes closed or not. This isn’t an easy pill to swallow. You may need to cry him out of your system but for this you’ll need the next best shoulder to cry on – not his. Respect his decision. Placing your life on hold because you don’t know his feelings can be just as damaging. At least this way you’ve taken the plunge and have been honest with yourself – and him.
Giving it a Try
While getting naked together doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an official item, chances are your romantic hopes will be high at this point. It’s important to communicate your expectations – and have a handle on his too. Try something such as: ‘I’m attracted to you and I’m happy you want to give this a chance but I want to make sure we’re on the same page so no-one’s feelings get hurt.’
When Jamie and I got together it was more of an experiment than anything else,’ says Annette a 25-year-old student. ‘We partied together for a couple of months before he suggested we ‘give this whole dating thing a chance seeing that we get on so well anyway’. After a few weeks, I realized the flirtation and the chase had been better than the end result.’ Deciding they were better friends than lovers, Annette spoke to Jamie. Turns out we were both on the same page and went back to being party friends without any difficulty,’ she says.
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Hello, everyone, a friend told me that the Partition Assistant is useful and without cost, then I find it is excellent and easy to use, I think the good thing should share with all of you
What are the names of hello kitty’s friends ?
I go to the gym 6 days a week and there is a guy there whom i like, i dont know his name. everytime i see him he always says hello and smiles and usually says goodbye when he is leaving
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Categories: Unusual Tattoos Tags: friend, Goodbye, hello, Lover
Cute Hello Kitty Tattoos
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Categories: Cross Tattoos Tags: cute, hello, kitty, Tattoos
Hello Kitty Pirate
Image taken on 2007-08-04 03:17:20 by jpwbee.
Categories: Women's Tattoos Tags: hello, kitty, pirate
Hello From Toronto – Part 7 – Summer In T.O. Positively Rocks
It’s been a pretty amazing summer so far. The weather has been pretty good since as far back as April. Occasionally, we’ve had rain showers and thunderstorms, but much of the rain has actually fallen over night. The weather on the weekends has been great for the most part, perfect conditions to enjoy all the activities and festivals that the city has to offer. I decided earlier this year that I would be spending this summer in Toronto without any major travel assignments overseas. So this is my chance to focus on local explorations.
And the offerings are amazing: I already wrote detailed articles from my explorations at Toronto’s Doors Open architectural festival, my exciting day at the Dragonboat Festival on Toronto’s Islands, the Taste of Little Italy, Summerlicious – Toronto’s restaurant festival, the Celebrate Toronto Street Festival and Afrofest. There are simply not enough hours in the week to cover all my explorations since I have decided to head out and discover as many places and activities as possible right here in Toronto. Here is a little summary of some of the other activities I have participated in that I haven’t had a chance yet to talk about in detail.
On June 25, 2006 I headed out to Toronto’s Pride Parade, one of the biggest parades in Toronto, and one of the largest of its kind in the world. This year’s parade theme was “Fearless!” to indicate how far Toronto’s queer community has come and how far they still have to go. From its original roots as a protest event, Toronto’s Pride Parade today has become a real family affair with special events for families and children. The city has embraced this event and it has great support from the mayor, the police, various corporate sponsors and politicians from all political parties. The big events of Pride Week included the Flag Raising Ceremony at City Hall, Pride Awards and a Gala Dinner, the Dyke March as well as the dazzling Pride Parade. Seven entertainment stages provided entertainment with about 650 artists, the Community Fair included participants from a large variety of community groups, and the Marketplace enticed the crowd with merchandise, clothing, and various accessories and treats.
Then on July 14 and 15 not only did I attend a street festival, together with my team we actually participated in the Salsa on St. Clair Festival. This festival was held for the first time last year and attracted more than 200,000 participants in its first year. Telelatino, Canada’s Latin broadcasting network, developed the idea for this festival and organized a huge street party. This year the crowd was even bigger than in the first year.
We had a table together with Skills for Change, a local immigrant settlement agency with whom we collaborate frequently. To jointly promote our two organizations we were holding a draw to give away a one-week adventure trip along the Inca Trail in Peru. The trip itself will be provided by G.A.P Adventures, the flagship sponsor of our Travel Story Contest, and a leader in environmentally sustainable and socially conscious travel. Over two days we spent almost 20 hours in the sweltering sun, interacting with the crowd, and many hundreds of people wanted to get to get a chance to explore the mysteries of Peru.
In between these special events I have also had a chance to explore the city by bike and on inline skates. A couple of weeks ago I cycled out to the Scarborough Bluffs and spent some time in one of my favourite Toronto spots: the Rosetta McClain Gardens. This is a beautiful public garden with gorgeous flower beds and serene sitting areas, perched high above Lake Ontario with great vistas of this peaceful expanse of water.
From there I cycled east through a variety of parks abutting the Scarborough Bluffs which are essentially cliffs formed from eroded packed clay soil. They stretch for about 14 km along Lake Ontario in the east end of Toronto, and at their highest point they rise 65 meters above the water. The most interesting formations can be found around Bluffer’s Park, a large waterfront park featuring a sandy beach, picnic areas, walks, lookouts, and berths for over 500 boats.
Toronto, with its location right on Lake Ontario, is a haven for cyclists and water sports enthusiasts, and the waterfront has numerous extensive parks right on the shoreline that are ideal for picnics, sunbathing and relaxing by the water. The Martin Goodman Trail is a multi-purpose recreational trail with a length of about 22 km along Toronto’s Waterfront and gives inline skaters and bicyclists a chance to exercise and soak up the sun right next to the water. Last weekend I strapped on my rollerblades and explored the Waterfront Trail along Toronto’s West end in Etobicoke, and the nicely paved trail continues into Toronto’s neighbouring cities Mississauga, Oakville and Burlington.
But serene nature experiences not only await at the waterfront, the City has several other spots that allow you to get away from the hustle and bustle of urban life. Last week I spent a couple of hours exploring Riverdale Farm, Toronto’s Necropolis and the surrounding Cabbagetown Neighbourhood. Riverdale Farm is actually an early 20th century farm that has been turned into a learning opportunity for urban dwellers that exposes them to farm animals and a rural environment. The peaceful park outside Riverdale Farm is a favourite destination for school groups and adults who relax under the shady trees and cool off in the public fountains.
Right next to Riverdale Farm is the Toronto Necropolis, one of Toronto’s oldest and most historic cemeteries. Dating back to the 1850s, it houses a collection of Victorian buildings and sculptures and is one of the most picturesque locations in the city. The recently restored cemetery entrance, chapel and office are fine examples of High Victorian Gothic architecture and the Necropolis is a favourite destination for photographers year-round.
Both Riverdale Farm and the Toronto Necropolis are surrounded by Cabbagetown, a historic neighbourhood with a very interesting history. The name “Cabbagetown” dates back to the mid 19th century, when Irish immigrants decided to plant unusually large cabbage patches on their front lawn. Cabbagetown has one of the largest and most impressive concentrations of Victorian architecture in all of North America. Local residents take great pride in their properties and embellish their homes with well-tended front and back gardens and the area is a magnificent location for a relaxing stroll.
So many other neighbourhoods beckon to be explored: I have spent some time at Harbourfront and recently took a walk through Toronto’s main Chinatown and the adjoining Kensington Market where exotic fruits and unusual foods can be purchased at reasonable prices. The sheer variety of Toronto’s neighbourhoods is mind-boggling and it feels like you are doing a virtual trip around the world by just walking a few blocks or hopping on the subway. I have made several forays into the Victorian serenity of Riverdale and the adjoining hustle and bustle of the Danforth, one of my favourite neighbourhood hangouts.
These past few days have been busy too. On Friday, my entire crew at the office and I went to a local Pakistani restaurant in Toronto’s Thorncliffe Park Neighbourhood. The entire neighbourhood is perched on a hill overlooking the Don Valley and was developed with numerous high-rise buildings in the 1950s and 1960s. Today Thorncliffe Park is one of the most densely populated and most multicultural neighbourhoods of Toronto with a large proportion of recent immigrants from Muslim countries. We had an absolutely delicious dinner with a selection of Pakistani dishes at Iqbal Restaurant. Several of my co-workers are from Pakistan and we have had a great introduction to Muslim foods and traditions. Toronto offers so many great opportunities for cross-cultural connections. We shared six different delicacies including chicken, lamb, beef and chick pea dishes and had a wonderful time sampling this varied cuisine.
After our truly delicious dinner all of us headed down to Queen Street East where the Beaches International Jazz Festival was being held. This festival is now in its 18th year, and has become a crowd favourite since its 1989 inception. We started at Woodbine and right away ran into our favourite: Dr. Draw, a highly energetic Moscow-born electric violinist surrounded by a team of dedicated musicians. This band produced a highly eclectic, unusual type of music with a diverse mixture of beats with modern and classical elements thrown in. In addition, Dr. Draw has a highly physical performance style and it makes you wonder how he plays the violin so well while jumping up and down. We saw several other rock and reggae bands, and a 3-person group named Johannes Linstead entertained us with virtuoso flamenco rhythms. Incidentally, this group won the Best World Album in 2004 and has top ten charting albums. In total the Beaches Jazz Festival featured over 30 performers in its StreetFest and ten headliners on the Main Stage.
I dropped by at the Beaches Jazz Festival again with two friends yesterday, and at the north end of Kew Gardens we saw Toronto’s Mayor David Miller being photographed with members of the crowd. Mayor Miller makes appearances at many community events and is very approachable. So we decided that we too would get our picture taken with Toronto’s mayor.
We then strolled over to the Main Stage and checked out some of the ecclectic clothing, jewellery and art on sale in the various booths that were located throughout Kew Gardens. People were getting henna tattoos, others were getting readings by psychics, and the majority of people were relaxing on the grass, enjoying the music. Some folks were also getting their surprisingly accurate portraits done…
On the Boardwalk we enjoyed the hot Spanish rhythms of Puente del Diablo before we checked out the action at the beach volleyball courts. One of my friends is a visitor from Austria, so this was her first introduction to Toronto while my other friend is a fairly recent immigrant who doesn’t yet know the city very well either. I quite enjoy taking new arrivals around the city, introducing them to all my favourite spots. As a city on a lake that looks like an ocean, the waterfront is a great attraction, and it’s a really cool place to hang out.
To explore more we then hopped into the car and decided to pay a visit to the Distillery District, a former distillery dating back to 1832. This complex encompasses more than 40 historic buildings that make up the largest and best preserved collection of Victorian Industrial Architecture in all of North America. The Distillery District has been restored recently and has become one of Toronto’s hottest entertainment areas with its restaurants, cafes, galleries and artists’ studios, a brewery, theatres and retail outlets. Every Sunday the Distillery features a farmers market and numerous festivals draw huge crowds throughout the year.
Our “Introduction to Toronto” driving tour continued and I took my friends downtown on Front Street and showed them the Gooderham Building – Toronto’s own triangular Flatiron Building. Then we admired Old and New City Hall, the classical splendour of Osgoode Hall, the imposing Richardson Romanesque structure of Queens Park – seat of Ontario’s provincial government, and the Neo-Gothic splendour of the University of Toronto campus. After a brief tour through Chinatown we had a sneak peak at Little Italy and ended up for dinner in the picturesque Annex neighbourhood on Bloor Street West, just west of Spadina. Along the way we drove through Portuguese, Ethiopian and Korean neighbourhoods.
Finally we had a lovely dinner at the Country Style Hungarian Restaurant, a neighbourhood institution for decades, which impresses with its tasty authentic European meals, reasonable prices and huge portion sizes. All three of us enjoyed a Wiener Schnitzel and to top off a delicious meal we enjoyed “Palatschinken”, a mouth-watering dessert featuring a crepe filled with apricot jam.
Each one of these experiences deserves its own article, but there are just so many things to see and do in Toronto, I just can’t keep up with the stories. But I am hoping this little medley of stories will give you an idea of Toronto’s diverse neighbourhoods, culinary offerings, exciting festivals and things to do during a great long hot summer.
For the entire article including photos please visit
http://www.travelandtransitions.com/stories_photos/toronto_hot_summer.htm
Susanne Pacher is the publisher of Travel and Transitions (http://www.travelandtransitions.com), a popular web portal for unconventional travel & cross-cultural connections. Check out our brand new section featuring FREE ebooks about travel.
Categories: Unusual Tattoos Tags: From, hello, part, Positively, rocks, Summer, T.O., Toronto
Who knows where I can find some cute hello kitty tattoo designs?
I want a hello kitty tattoo. Probably like below my collar bone or somewhere else easily hidden for job purposes. Anyone know of some cool designs?