Unusual Tattoos

What do you think of these jokes?

A man gets a call from the hospital saying his wife was in a really bad car accident. He rushes to the hospital, the doctor says “I have bad news, it was a terrible accident. Your wife will be crippled and paralyzed from the neck down. You’ll have to feed her, clothe her, bathe her, and change her because she no longer has any control over her bladder or bowels. You’ll have to provide 24-hour round the clock health care service of which your insurance is not going to cover…” And the man starts crying hysterically saying “This is horrible.” And the doctor says “I’m just f*ckin’ with ya, she’s dead.”

An armless, legless girl is on the beach crying. A man walks along and says “What are you crying about?” She says “I’m crying because in my whole life I’ve never been kissed.” So he kneels down and kisses her. She starts crying twice as hard. He says “What are you crying about now?” She says “I’m crying because in my whole life I’ve never been f*cked.” So he picks her up, tosses her in the ocean, and yells “You’re f*cked now!”

Two missionaries get caught in Africa. The chief of the tribe that captures them says “You’ve been captured in our land. You have two choices, it’s either death or oog-goo.” The first guy says “I’ll take oog-goo.” The chief says “Oog-goo it is”, and the chief and all the other members of the tribe start f*cking him. They’re f*cking him and coming in his mouth and in his face and in every hole of his body. They take a break, have something to eat, and start f*cking him again. They take a break, take a nap, and start f*cking him again. After three days he’s totally taped up with come and they throw him to the ground. Then the chief goes up to the other guy and says “It’s you’re turn, either death or oog-goo.” He says “I choose death.” And the chief says “Death it is, but first oog-goo.”

A woman goes to a tattoo shop, but she doesn’t look like the tattoo type. The guy who runs the shop goes over to her and says “Can I help you?” She says “Yes. I’d like a tattoo of a turkey with the word Thanksgiving on my right thigh, and an evergreen tree with the word Christmas on my left thigh.” The man says “That’s an unusual request, may I ask why?” And the woman says “I’m sick of my husband saying there’s never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

And one quick one to end it…

What do you call two people in wheelchairs doing a 69?
Meals on wheels.

What do you think about these jokes?

Rabbit hunting

Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting, but when he gets to his favorite field he sees the village priest is already there.

Paddy watches with fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and immediately a rabbit pops out.

The priest grabs it and puts it into a sack. He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until his sack is full of rabbits.

Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he does it.

“Easy,” says the priest. “Put your finger on your wife’s **** and then hold it over a rabbit hole. They can’t resist the smell, so when they come out, grab them.”

Paddy rushes home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the floor. He lifts up her skirt and applies his finger as directed.

Without looking up, Maureen giggles, “Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?”

Tattoo Larry got home late one night, and his wife asked, “Where in the hell have you been?” Larry replied, “I was out getting a tattoo.” “A tattoo? What kind of tattoo?” “I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis,” he said proudly. “What the hell were you thinking? Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis?” “Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And four, instead of going out shopping, now you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. A local witch had given him special powers. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them, “I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now.” The bear (being greedy) went first. “I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me.” A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit said “I would like a helmet.” This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear’s turn again “I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female.” A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. “I would like a motorcycle.” Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn’t just ask for a lot of money and then he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. “I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me.” A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said, “I wish the bear was gay” and took off like a bat out of hell.

What do you think of my book?

Here it is…any suggestions or criticism is welcome This is only the prologue.

Prologue

Nurse Jane walked into the hospital room to check on the twin brother and sister who had just been born. Jane was used to caring for twins, but what the doctor hadn’t told her was that the parents of the twins were teenagers, no older than 18. Jane felt sorry for the couple, they had no one there supporting them, no friends or parents.
“How are you doing?” Jane asked the man. She looked at the file the doctor had given her. The man’s name was Zepp Chain and the woman was named Airan Gloss.
“We’re doing fine,” Zepp said, smiling down at the mother, who lay in the bed. Zepp had the girl cradled in his arms and Airan held the boy. The boy had thick, dark brown hair and eyes, just like his father, Jane noted. The girl had little hair on her head, but it was definitely blond, unlike her mother who was a redhead. As Jane looked closely at the baby girl, she noticed she had mesmerizing purple eyes, which were mirror images of her mother‘s eyes.
“May I see him?” Jane asked. Airan handed her his son and she cradled him in her arms. She began making faces and talking in a high pitched voice, making her self look like a fool. The baby put his arms in the air and yawned. Jane noticed a black mark on the underside of the boy’s wrist. It was much like a tattoo and was in the shape of a sun. What an unusual birthmark, Jane thought.
Crash! Jane turned around. Shards of glass rained onto the ground from the broken window, a man had jumped in. He wore all black, and he closely resembled Zepp. He wore gloves and held a javelin in his hands. Jane tried to run out of the room, but the man threw his javelin and volts of electricity shot through her body and she fell to the ground almost immediately. The baby boy fell to the ground, completely unphased. Larken reached over and picked up the boy.
“Larken!” Zepp hissed.
“How are we today, little brother?” Larken said, picking up his javelin and pointing it at Airan. He pulled his arm back and threw the javelin. There was no need to aim, the weapon always hit it’s mark. It was a gift from Phaeton, his leader.
“Why are you here?” Zepp asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Adymus’s orders. You know how he hates it when we disobey him,” Larken said evilly. Larken moved forward and punched Zepp in the face. Zepp staggered backwards and fell into a chair, the girl still in his arms. He quickly got up and ran to the window. Zepp threw his baby girl out the window, it was the only chance she had of survival, if Larken got a hold of her, he would kill her instantly.
Larken punched Zepp in the face again and then kicked him in the knee. Zepp fell to the ground. Larken kicked him in the head, and he became unconscious.
***
The baby girl fell to the ground, but at the last moment transformed. She was a blue jay, flying high into the sky. She flew all around town, but finally got tired and landed softly on the ground. And then she was a girl again, and had forgotten everything that had just happened.
A man wandered up the street, as he was buying a soda from the machine, he noticed the baby laying on the sidewalk. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and had dark purple eyes. Puzzled, he went over and picked the baby up. There was no one else around, it was three in the morning, after all. The man figured the baby had been abandoned and left to die.
The man, called Frank, new of an orphanage in the center of town. He took the girl there, hoping her life would be safe from then on. But, unfortunately, life will never be safe for a Shifter.

Thanks for reading

What do you think of my story?

Here it is…any suggestions or criticism is welcome This is only the prologue.

Prologue

Nurse Jane walked into the hospital room to check on the twin brother and sister who had just been born. Jane was used to caring for twins, but what the doctor hadn’t told her was that the parents of the twins were teenagers, no older than 18. Jane felt sorry for the couple, they had no one there supporting them, no friends or parents.
“How are you doing?” Jane asked the man. She looked at the file the doctor had given her. The man’s name was Zepp Chain and the woman was named Airan Gloss.
“We’re doing fine,” Zepp said, smiling down at the mother, who lay in the bed. Zepp had the girl cradled in his arms and Airan held the boy. The boy had thick, dark brown hair and eyes, just like his father, Jane noted. The girl had little hair on her head, but it was definitely blond, unlike her mother who was a redhead. As Jane looked closely at the baby girl, she noticed she had mesmerizing purple eyes, which were mirror images of her mother‘s eyes.
“May I see him?” Jane asked. Airan handed her his son and she cradled him in her arms. She began making faces and talking in a high pitched voice, making her self look like a fool. The baby put his arms in the air and yawned. Jane noticed a black mark on the underside of the boy’s wrist. It was much like a tattoo and was in the shape of a sun. What an unusual birthmark, Jane thought.
Crash! Jane turned around. Shards of glass rained onto the ground from the broken window, a man had jumped in. He wore all black, and he closely resembled Zepp. He wore gloves and held a javelin in his hands. Jane tried to run out of the room, but the man threw his javelin and volts of electricity shot through her body and she fell to the ground almost immediately. The baby boy fell to the ground, completely unphased. Larken reached over and picked up the boy.
“Larken!” Zepp hissed.
“How are we today, little brother?” Larken said, picking up his javelin and pointing it at Airan. He pulled his arm back and threw the javelin. There was no need to aim, the weapon always hit it’s mark. It was a gift from Phaeton, his leader.
“Why are you here?” Zepp asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Adymus’s orders. You know how he hates it when we disobey him,” Larken said evilly. Larken moved forward and punched Zepp in the face. Zepp staggered backwards and fell into a chair, the girl still in his arms. He quickly got up and ran to the window. Zepp threw his baby girl out the window, it was the only chance she had of survival, if Larken got a hold of her, he would kill her instantly.
Larken punched Zepp in the face again and then kicked him in the knee. Zepp fell to the ground. Larken kicked him in the head, and he became unconscious.
***
The baby girl fell to the ground, but at the last moment transformed. She was a blue jay, flying high into the sky. She flew all around town, but finally got tired and landed softly on the ground. And then she was a girl again, and had forgotten everything that had just happened.
A man wandered up the street, as he was buying a soda from the machine, he noticed the baby laying on the sidewalk. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and had dark purple eyes. Puzzled, he went over and picked the baby up. There was no one else around, it was three in the morning, after all. The man figured the baby had been abandoned and left to die.
The man, called Frank, new of an orphanage in the center of town. He took the girl there, hoping her life would be safe from then on. But, unfortunately, life will never be safe for a Shifter.

Thanks for reading

Physical Improvments? (pics)?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now. I want to keep him interested (which he still seems to be..lol) but some changes are always nice. If you could just point out somethings that may improve my physical appearance, it’d be very helpful.

Thanks much!

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn166/Lee-Ann07/ff18fba0.jpg

I apologize now, the only full body pic i have is one from a tattoo and piercing convo where i was an entry for most unusual piercing. but i think this photo gives a basic idea of my body shape, and should be enough to critique it, im sure…

thanks again. =]
haha. you nailed it. i dont usually wear make-up or get dressed up. Any styles recommended?

do you think this is intripid, unfit or inane ?

anyone else think this jessica, aka tattoogirl aka lynn is mentally ill ?

would this be an unfit mother ?

Is unusual that a mother allows her 10 or even 13 year old daughter to get a small ankle tattoo? Would this be an unfit mother if she did it just to make her daughter happy?

What should a father do if the mother of his little girl (child 10 to 13 years old) allowed her to get small ankle tattoo. She was with her when she got it?

OH and another one

Why are there mother that would allow a 10/13 year old girl to get a real tattoo just to make her daughter happy, when the child asked for it?

OH and cause im a pedophile too

Open Question
Show me another »
Do children like this?
Would it be difficult for a father or step father to convince his 10 or even 14 year old daughter to sleep in the same bed (even with his arms around her or on top of her back) with him if she loves and trusts him and has a good relational ship with him? Would that girl consider that as positive affection?

OH and this question too

Can you anwser these questions?
Would it be appropriate for 10 year old girl work with her father in a tattoo shop, so she becomes an excelled tattoo artist? Her father makes sure that every thing is save and it would keep her out of trouble.

Would this girl be happy if her daddy wants her to tattoo her name in her hand writing or daddy I love you on his body when he asks her to?

Would it be difficult for her daddy to convince her to put a small tattoo on her body that reminds her of her father? As long as her mother does not complain, the authorities will not waist there time on this?

OH and anohter one

Would this be aspirate for a 10 or 12 year old girl ?
Would it be aspirate for a 10 or 12 year old girl to get her name tattooed on her body.

Would it be appropriate for a girl the same age to get a memorial tattoo on her body of a family member that died?

and incase you havent had enough

Open Question
Show me another »
What do parents do ?
What do parents do when there 10 or even 14 year old came home with a permanent tattoo that was done by a friend or an illegal tattoo shop?

Why are there some that want them removed when they are adults and other not?

and another question cause im pretty slow and have many id’s and I cant keep up

Why is this the case?
Why there are mother that are not mad if there 12 or even 14 year old daughter got a real tattoo and don’t divorce her husband over it and are glad that she got it at a clean place and are lucky to have a well behaved teenager that has a very good relalation ship with?

While other will start a fight over it, and it will just make a good girl rebel over it ant cause more problems?

I think i covered all of lynn’s AKA jessica AKA tattoo girls questions for the day ?

I think this person is a mentally ill foreigner, she types in broken english and makes no sense

Im so ready for yahoo to remove this person, anyone else tired of these assanine questions everyday 50 times a day ?
smile, exactly !
super, lol OMG i spit my drink out from laughing

Sleeeve tattoo done well as a piece of art!?

What are your thoughts?
Is it:
Cool?
Chavy?
Sexy?
Ugly?
Unusual? ect ect…..Discuss!!